BROKEN HEART AN EFFORT TO MOVE ON

                     This weekend on 6th,February,2021 2 months have gone by since she passed away. I am trying to move on because i know she won't want me to lose myself over her death but the truth is i can't. The pain has been unbearable and it feels like i have lost a better part of myself and i can't find an outlet to let it all out.

                  Sometimes i have almost resorted to self-harm and even contemplated suicide but i know she'll kick my ass so i can't. I am just existing and have become an unstable shell, always faking my emotions, feelings, moods and bottling them all up even when knowing that it's unhealthy but i don't have any other choice.

                 Everyone who know's what happened keep saying's  that it's okay,it will be alright, move on, but the thing is they don't know how much messed up reality is. The most shitty thing about this is the fact that i have given up and just put up a facade which has managed to fool everyone in o thinking that i have  moved on  and that i am okay.

I   Miss   Her.  there isn't even a single hour in which i think about her.

                I guess writing this is just my way of facing reality and the fact that i want to keep tabs on myself, the real me, the broken one that  i am under the facade i have put up.everything requires too much effort and the world feel like it's lost it's color. I visit her grave  every weekend to remind  myself of reality and to bring myself back  from flashbacks of our time spend together.

              It's just that people think that i  am addicted to novel's but the sad truth is that it's just a path/way for me to escape reality and lose myself in it. I guess that's it for now until i feel like writing again and facing reality to remind myself of what i am missing.

               I know i will be alright in the end because that's what I am best at surviving in silence.

                                                                                                                                   Signing Out:

                                                                                                                                 OCEANS WRATH